Absurd claims

Alleged victims, bystanders, and perpetrators have made a seemingly endless list of silly, bizarre, nonsensical, and outrageous assertions about their purported abuse, as part of the orthodox Holocaust narrative. The following is an incomplete list of some of the more ridiculous claims that they have made (where no links are set, see Rudolf 2019, pp. 124-127, for sources):

• a child survived six gassings in a gas chamber that never existed (M. Peer);
• a woman survived three gassings because Nazis kept running out of gas (see this and several other miraculous stories in the entry on Escapes, from the Gas Chamber);
• to stay alive, gassing victim breathed through a keyhole in a gas chamber door at Flossenbürg Camp — where no homicidal gas chamber ever existed — and cursed the SS men when they opened the door, and then ran away (A. Friedman);
• Morris Hubert’s fairy tale of a bear and an eagle in a cage at Buchenwald Camp, eating one Jew per day: In the camp there was a cage with a bear and an eagle, he said. Every day, they would throw a Jew in there. The bear would tear him apart and the eagle would pick at his bones. (Ari L. Goldman, Time Too Painful to Remember, The New York Times, 10 November 1988);
• mass graves expelling geysers of blood (see the entry on Geysers);
• erupting (see the entry on Geysers) and exploding mass graves (K. Marcus);
• murder by shit: force Jews to lay down in an excrement pit, then force other Jews to defecate on their face until they suffocate (see the entry on Belzec);
• In huge concrete mixers, Jews were ground to a pulp which then served as material for road pavement (I. Ochshorn);
• soap production from human fat with imprinted letters RIF — Reines Juden Fett (pure Jewish fat: see the entry on Soap, from Jewish Corpses);
• the SS made sausage in a crematorium out of human flesh (RIW — Reine Juden Wurst? D. Olère);
• lampshades, book covers, driving gloves for SS officers, saddles, riding breeches, house slippers, and ladies’ handbags of human skin (see the entry on Lampshades, of Human Skin);
• pornographic pictures on canvasses made of human skin (IMT, Vol. 30, p. 469);
• mummified human thumbs used as light switches in the house of Ilse Koch, wife of camp commandant Koch (Buchenwald Camp; Kurt Glass, The New York Times, 10 April 1995);
• production of shrunken heads from bodies of inmates (see the entry on Shrunken Heads);
• acid or boiling-water baths to produce human skeletons (M. Nyiszli, F. Müller; see Mattogno 2020a, pp. 106-110, 130, 142, 202 [Nyiszli]; 2021d, p. 63 [Müller]);
• muscles cut from the legs of executed inmates contracted so strongly that they made buckets jump about (F. Müller);
• an SS father skeet-shooting babies thrown into the air while his 9-year-old daughter applauds and shrieks: Daddy, do it again; do it again, Daddy! (See the section Soviet Union of the entry on propaganda);
• Jewish children used by Hitler-Youth for target practice (Soviet propaganda, as above);
• wagons disappeared into a depression in the ground into an underground crematorium at Auschwitz (such facilities never existed; K. Morgen);
• forcing prisoners to lick stairs clean, and collect garbage with their lips (Soviet propaganda, as above);
• injections into the eyes of inmates to change their eye color (Langbein 1985, pp. 383f.);
• artificially fertilize women at Auschwitz, and then gas them (IMT, Vol. 5, p. 403);
• torturing people in specially mass-produced torture boxes made by Krupp (IMT, Vol. 16, pp. 546, 556f., 561);
• torturing people by shooting at them with wooden bullets to make them talk;
• smacking people with special spanking machines (M.C. Vaillant-Couturier);
• killing by drinking a glass of liquid hydrogen cyanide (which evaporates so quickly that it would endanger all those standing nearby);
• killing people with poisoned soft drinks (Soviet propaganda, as above);
• killing prisoners during frost by spraying them with water, turning them into ice statues (IMT, Vol. 7, p. 433; Kaufmann, pp. 227f.);
• killing Dachau inmates with meat grinders (20th Armored Division, Spring 2000, p. 11);
• underground mass extermination in enormous rooms, by means of high-voltage electricity (see the entry on Belzec);
• blasting 20,000 Jews into the twilight zone with atomic bombs (see the entry on Ohrdruf Camp);
• killing in a vacuum chamber, with hot steam, or with chlorine gas (see the entries on Belzec, Sobibór and Treblinka);
• mass murder by tree-cutting: forcing people to climb trees, then cutting the trees down (Soviet propaganda, as above);
• killing a young man by forcing him to eat sand (R. Reder; see Mattogno 2021b, pp. 14, 40);
• gassing Soviet POWs in an open quarry (Soviet propaganda, as above);
• gas chambers on wheels in Treblinka, which dumped their victims directly into burning pits (see the entry on Treblinka);
• delayed-action poison gas that allowed the victims to leave the gas chambers and walk to the mass graves by themselves, before dying (also claimed for Treblinka);
• rapid-assembly portable gas chamber sheds (claimed by A. Eichmann);
• beating people to death, then conducting autopsies to see why they died (IMT, Vol. 5, p. 199);
• introduction of Zyklon gas into the gas chambers through showerheads (see the entry on showers) or from steel bottles (K. Gerstein);
• introduction of Zyklon gas into the gas chambers of Auschwitz via bombs (R. Bialek, M. Nahon, I. Ochshorn, J. Tabeau);
• mass murder with pneumatic hammers and in high-voltage baths (see the section Polish Wartime Propaganda of the entry on Birkenau);
• provisional gas chambers in ditches covered with canvas (O. Wolken);
• a manure gas unit collected biogas from swamps to be used for homicidal gassings at Birkenau (Mattogno 2019, p. 484);
• murdering millions of children at Auschwitz using wads soaked with hydrogen cyanide taken from vials (which never existed: K. Gerstein);
• electrical conveyor-belt executions (see the subsection Soviet propaganda of the entry on Birkenau);
• bashing people’s brains in with a pedal-driven brain-bashing machine while listening to the radio (Soviet propaganda, as earlier);
• cremation of bodies in blast furnaces (see the subsection Soviet propaganda of the entry on Birkenau);
• cremation of human bodies using no fuel at all (see the entry on Self-Immolating Bodies);
• skimming off liquefied, boiling human fat from open-air cremation fires (see the entry on Fat, Extracted from Burning Corpses);
• mass graves containing hundreds of thousands of bodies, removed without a trace within a few weeks (see the entries on Cremation Propaganda and Lumberjacks);
• killing 840,000 Russian POWs at Sachsenhausen, and burning the bodies in four portable furnaces (see the entry on Sachsenhausen);
• eliminating corpses with explosives (R. Höss, V. Davydov);
• SS bicycle races in the Birkenau gas chamber;
• out of pity for a Jewish mother and her child (complete strangers), an SS man leaps into the gas chamber voluntarily at the last second in order to die with them;
• blue haze after gassing with hydrogen cyanide (which is colorless; R. Böck, Y. Gabai);
• a twelve-year-old boy giving an impressive and heroic speech in front of the other camp children before being gassed (Friedman 1946, p. 72);
• filling the mouths of victims with cement to prevent them from singing patriotic or communist songs (Soviet propaganda, as earlier).